Big Brother Africa All stars

DRAMATIC ANNOYING VOICE...They have lived through the drama, they have achieved the "A" list of celebrity status...bla bla bla. The worst show ever is finally over, for now and we have a new winner. After 91 days stay in the Big Brother All Stars house away from family members, mobile phone, internet and totally cut off from the outside world the whole Big Brother Africa All Stars has finally come to an end and Nigerian musician/model/actor, Uti (wa mgongo) Nwachukwu, has emerged the winner of the coveted $200,000 cash prize with Munya from Zimbabwe as the 1st runner up. This is the second consecutive Big Brother Africa win for Nigeria as Kevin Chuwang Pam won Big Brother Revolution in 2009.\

I for one I am glad that this silly (that is not the word I have used in my head)show is over. If you have been following this blog then you know I had few choice words for this show and I am making noooo apologies. Now because I am patriotic, I will talk once more again about the Kenyan Vuvusheila Kwamboka before I close with Uti and Munya.

Our Kenyan rep, Sheila was selected to participate (read embarrass) in the show and she did more than participate (again read embarrass). Now if you have not been watching BBA and do not have any dirt on Sheilla, Kindly indulge me as I quickly mutate into an unemployed woman in a plot as I tell you what's what. (Muchene Mode)

So she walked into the house and when asked by the other housemates to tell them something about her country she talked about how she and Jeff-----Koin-age covered the post election violence together and she wondered aloud why she did not win the CNN journalist of the year award. No one told her that you do not win any award for carrying cables for the camera. But I would vote for her any day for JKG Awards (Jua Kali Grogan Awards). She also gave them vibe about Hellon, Timberlake and Esther Timberlake like they give a hoot about those goons.

(The JKG Awards trophy)


What killed me was when she flaunted her celibacy ring saying "I do not think it is right for people to have sex all the time" WHAT!? Now I will have you know that when she was sent to the barn (a place big brother who sometimes was a woman sent you to if you were up for eviction or on punishment) she realized that her strategy of being the story teller would not keep her in the house so she switched to heavy artillery mode.

Now hold on to your seats.......

There is this mama, her name is Meryl, picured below, (why does she look surprised?)she and the self professed bisexual Sheila have been caught on camera intimate not once but twice and in both occasions Sheila was the guy if you know what I mean. I am not making this stuff up please Youtube it, see for yourself. I have to warn you though, do not do it in your office if you love your job. The images are like soooooo P.G. am for real. On the first sexual encounter Meryl was fast asleep and Sheila went to her bed and her fingers turned yellow pages, they did the walking all over her kenchics, (thighs and breasts). Meryl tried to make her go away but Sheila not only suffered from "heat" she was also nursing insistiosis (that disease that makes you insist to no end) and Meryl got to a level that she could not say no so with her morning breath she turned and started kissing her new found "boyfriend" on T.V. (shaking my head)

Encounter number two is when sheila was the one with morning breath and she gave Meryl urinary tract infection. She again played the guy by licking her over there, yes she did it believe it or not. I am not making this stuff up Youtube is the way to go if you think I am lying. (this is a picture of them two lesbos after Sheila came back from the barn, Sheila on top)(**VOMIT**)

So she thought by doing these things she would gain favor of bored fans and eventually winning the $200K. Boy was she wrong.

Three things.

One, Kenyans stopped watching BBA when that guy from Siaya, Jeff what's-his-face was there. Total embarrassment. Two, Kenyans are crazy people and we love some drama in our lives but not lesbianism carrying the Kenyan flag (yes I am against same sex relations, bite me) And three, only 253 people in Kenya like Sheila. For real, her own country had a total of 253 votes some of whom are her many relas and few close girlfriends. Pun intended. Lowest vote ever in the History of BBA followed closely by Mwisho from Tanzania. East Africans I tell you!

So after showing us how which way she swings she walked out of the house with nothing but a cloud of shame and the ten bob that she had when she went into the house. Ati her lucky coin! Shilingi kumi? Shenzi type!

Back to Uti, he won, he is from Nigeria so other than the other countries voting for him, the country that the population is three times that of any other country represented in the house voted for him like WHOA!

Munya was in second place and was crying openly when Uti was announced winner. He thought he would win buuuuuuut, he may not have the title of the All Stars winner but he got more money than Uti. How you ask, Africa's most famous Baboon Robert Mugabe, his President, gave him $300K for repping Zimbabwe well. He was after the money and got it big time. Now you know in his country he is a trillionaire. I calculated how much $300,000 is in Zimbabwean dollars and this is what my calculator came back with, *E*349.9 GFF (Gai fafa) he is now *E*349.9 richer. DAMN.

Does Kibaki even know there is something called Big Brother?

I will get a hold of her and I will bring her to the show and I will ask her very hard questions (yes I said hard) and you will get to watch it.